Single At Christmas // An Open Letter
Here it is, another open letter to my family, friends, the check out lady at Whole Foods, and my old boss from the Chinese restaurant -- please stop asking me why I'm still single. Chances are, if I knew, I probably wouldn't still be single. I realize, it's Christmas, this is the time of year when everybody pairs off for hibernation... oh wait, that's bears. But, I do get it, I'm the last person on the Christmas card who hasn't been snatched up so you see it as your duty to investigate why.
It's a real conundrum.
Thank you for pointing it out a few times a week, let's be honest though, that's not helpful. It only makes me feel pathetic, alone, lame, and ugly. Like geez, if I'm the only one not paired off, what's wrong with me. Now, I know you're not asking to make me feel inadequate or less than, you probably just want to set me up, but this brings me to my next point. Just because you know someone else who happens to also be single does not mean it was meant to be. I'm sure he's a great guy, but just because he's great doesn't mean he's great for me. Aside from arranged marriages, most people like to have a say in their bae, me being one of the most. I believe that your postal worker is a total gem, but the more I'm told I need a man, or asked where he is, or even encouraged to pursue something the less I want to.
It doesn't feel natural. It feels pressured out of a need to silence the voices. That's not a good way to start a relationship, you know?
I'm very thankful that in all reality you're probably just asking because you think I'm amazing and you don't know why some crazy person hasn't swept me off my feet yet, but being reminded of the lack makes it feel quite the opposite of your positive intentions. I appreciate your support and encouragement and i know that one day it will be so appropriate, but right now please just let things happen naturally.
Let me hear Gods voice in instances when I know He's saying no and let me inch forward in the moments I feel a simple, "go for it." He's got me, as frustrated and alone as I may feel sometimes, especially this time of year, I know He's got me.
Trust me, my goal is not to become a nun even though I may say that often. Trust me that I'm trusting Him.
Single At Christmas