What are you so afraid of?
Something I asked someone just the other day.
Have you been in a conversation with someone and you could just tell they were holding back, almost as if they were utterly terrified to let you in? I have. Maybe, you’re the person who dreads opening their heart in fear of being destroyed. Either way, let me just ask, WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
Maybe, you’ve been hurt too many times before, maybe you’re afraid of being replaced, maybe you’re afraid people will leave you, maybe it’s that after they find out who you are they won’t love you any more.
I’m afraid. I’m afraid that no one will be brave enough to fall in love with me.
I often times, find myself lost in a battle in my mind. There are days I conquer all fear and there are days when all seems lost, I’m behind enemy lines, and I want to wave the white flag of defeat not surrender. In those moments of destruction I have these inward discussions with myself about who I know I am, but also that I feel I am something else.
To me, it’s heart breaking that there has been so much hurt that rip our gentle hearts to pieces causing us to cower in the face of true relational growth. I don’t mean this in a strictly romantic way; I mean this in an all-encompassing way. Like those girls who only have guy friends because girls are mean, or those people who segregate themselves from different types of people because they have preconceived ideas of how someone will treat them based off of one tainted experience.
I tend to do something where I just assume everyone is good, then they hurt me and I don’t understand. I don’t get how someone can be so cruel, so I build walls and only let people get to a certain point then I start pushing them out or I run away. That is one reason I say I’m afraid that no one will be brave enough to fall in love with me, because they will probably have to help knock some of those walls down. The one good part about that is, even when we are afraid of people hurting us so we make them fight to stay, God sits in heaven holding us in his arms.
Sometimes I wonder if he feels the same as us, because we are constantly hurting him and pushing him away. Why is it that so many of us blame him for the pain we suffer? We wonder how a loving God can let such horrible things happen in the world, in our lives, in the lives of ‘good people.’
The thing is, he isn’t letting bad things happen, he is there in the midst of the bad things, helping us get through them. He is the reason we can come out on top of death, addiction, anxiety, and so on.
Romans 5:8 ESV
“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
2 Chronicles 20:17 ESV
“You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.’ Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the Lord will be with you.”
I really like this scripture because it’s sort of saying that those battles in our minds, we can win them, God goes with us to fight those fears in our minds. He fights for us when we let him. He wants us to fall in love with him and life.
Every time you encounter a person that seemingly won’t let you in, remember they’re probably just being careful because of past hurts; don’t let that fear affect how you love people. At the end of the day, fear or no fear, we are called to love people through their hurt. Don’t let fear ruin your future, instead think of it like going on the quest to Mordor; go up to someone and just quote Gandalf, “I am looking for someone to share in adventure.”
(P.S that’s Lord of The Rings, for those of you who didn’t get that reference)
Love is an adventure, and that’s what we’re called to do, love people. Adventures are scary, but they’re sure fun. Have an amazing week, love people; adventure.