Affinity for Loneliness

I have this strange affinity for coffee shops because they allow you to be alone in a room filled with people, I also adore big cities for this same reason. It’s kind of crazy to think that I would enjoy things for that reason, because as I sit here tonight, in a coffee shop, I’m almost tormented by the fact that I realized I hate feeling unconnected and alone.

I sit here, constantly glancing at my phone, checking my email, scrolling through Instagram, and just wondering why no ones talking to me. I sit here wondering why no one wants my presence. I sit here feeling forgotten.

THIS IS A HUGE PROBLEM.

In my stupor of loneliness I legitimately question why no one sees the value that I’m told I have. Let’s be honest, that’s so not ok.

Have you ever thought about that, especially if you’re an introvert? You want to be alone, but when you have absolutely no one to talk to you start to feel down, but not sad, you start to feel like something is wrong with you.

You sit there staring out the window, hoping that someone will come to your rescue, that you won’t have to sit there with just yourself and your own thoughts. That’s what’s scary; you realize you’re afraid of yourself.

So that leaves me with this question, what the heck is the root of this problem? Is it our worth? Our identity? Our fears? The simple answer is that it’s all of those things.

We are, for lack of better terminology, creating idols and gods out of what consumes our time.

“A god is anything that gives us our identity.” – Derwin Gray

In those moments when we are consumed with our fear of being alone, we are creating idols out of that fear. We are finding our identity in anything other than where we should.

Isaiah 44:17 (ESV)

“And the rest of it he makes into a god, his idol, and falls down to it and worships it. He prays to it and says, “Deliver me, for you are my god!”

We are making these things that fill our time idols, we are essentially worshiping these things when they determine our mood or happiness. We aren’t supposed to let such silly things ultimately define such important parts of our lives, because they effect our every day.

When we start to have the negative feels we need to sit there and think about what the REAL, defined by God, truth is. We conform to the world’s way of thinking every moment that we let something so insignificant define our thoughts.

Romans 12:2 (ESV)

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

So, here’s the thing, we are more than the negative feels, that turn into idols, then accidentally define our identity. There’s a list of what you are, and if you click on the word list, it’ll take you to it! Internet portals!

So, this is it for my post today, I love you all, you’re amazing. It is ok to be alone and when you get the feels about it, look to Jesus.

XoXo,

Bridgy Colleen