A wise friend once told me:
“You should write for like an hour. Just vomit all of your thoughts – unfiltered – uncensored…”
My response was something along the lines of being terrified to do so because I was afraid of what I would say. I was and am afraid to let the deepest parts of my soul out into the open. I’m afraid that I might actually realize something that I may not have been prepared to see.
Isn’t it crazy to think that every single person has those pieces of us that we want to keep locked away simply because were afraid of meeting the person inside of us. What if that person isn’t whom we thought, what if that person needs a lot of help, what if that person is too far-gone? The possibilities for who that person may be are endless, but none of those possibilities matter. The vulnerability in coming to terms is what matters.
So many times, we hide how we feel because we know that we aren’t ok, and the truth is, ITS OK TO NOT BE OK. It really is. It’s ok to not have all the answers, to not be in control, to not be confident. It is 100% ok.
I know that for me, it’s really hard to admit that because I want to be strong and I don’t want to “burden” my friends and family when I feel myself slipping away. Because you know, they’re going through stuff too and I just don’t want to stress them out even more. So, I’m the good person right? Bottling up all my issues so everybody else can be ok. In the words of Dwight Schrute, FALSE!
That does not make you a good person, it makes you an idiot, and I can say that because I’m like the queen of doing that!
The biggest issue is we forget when bottling up our pain is, that it’s ok to not be ok. God doesn’t ask us to be perfect all the time, he asks us to seek his help all the time. There are countless times in the bible where it says we’re gonna have crappy days and we’ll feel lost and alone. When we have to deal with all of that it’s vital that we push after God more than ever and rely on fellow believers to help hold us up.
“Joshua did what Moses ordered in order to fight Amalek. And Moses, Aaron, and Hur went to the top of the hill. It turned out that whenever Moses raised his hands, Israel was winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, Amalek was winning. But Moses’ hands got tired. So they got a stone and set it under him. He sat on it and Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on each side. So his hands remained steady until the sun went down. Joshua defeated Amalek and its army in battle.”
I have been learning a lot recently, that no matter how awful I feel or how awful my friends may feel, we are always better when we are pushing each other toward God. It’s so true to say that we’re better together, because we truly are!
I believe that having relationships centered on God is one reason we are here, because God desires to have a relationship with us, and the other ones we have are just for bringing us closer to him.
There is one question I always try to ask myself regarding any type of relationship:
Is so-and-so pushing me closer to God?
If the answer is no then I know I should probably step back a little, but if the answer is yes then praise the King because it’s a blessing to have that kind of relationship! The reason I ask myself this is because of the saying “show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” I’m aware that everybody’s mom probably yelled that at them when leaving the house in high school, but moms are pretty smart and in this case, very right! I cant tell you how many times in my own life that I’ve seen this ring true, in big and small ways.
If you know me, you know that I’m not the biggest fan of using curse words just for the sole reason I feel they sound exuberantly unintelligent and because they are offensive to a large percentage of the population. Buttttt if I hang around someone who curses on the regular then I start to pick of that habit and before you know it I’m littering my frustrated conversations with curses. Not only is this scenario true but also, there are so many other ways I see this saying play out.
Proverbs 27:17 (MSG)
“You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another.”
When we surround ourselves with people who push us to be better, to be the people we were created to be, we could do nothing but succeed.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (ESV)
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
I leave you with one of my favorite friendship quotes of all times…
“But in Friendship, being free of all that, we think we have chosen our peers. In reality, a few years’ difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another, posting to different regiments, the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting—any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret Master of the Ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends “You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.” The Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others. They are no greater than the beauties of a thousand other men; by Friendship God opens our eyes to them. They are, like all beauties, derived from Him, and then, in a good Friendship, increased by Him through the Friendship itself, so that it is His instrument for creating as well as for revealing.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
I know that my posts have been few and far between but just know that I don’t write unless I feel that something is burning with in my soul to be let out. I love you all and I hope you have an amazing week!