The idea of “running away” is very appealing. It makes life look like everything that isn’t where you are is magical. The grass is always greener on the other side right?
Many people grow up in the same house and the same town, with the same people, the same everything; maybe you ate a peanut butter sandwich for lunch everyday for 13 years. That was never my life. I grew up running from one place to another. Switching houses and towns, and states. That was my normal and I loved it. I never thought it was weird to change friends or leave. Now, at 23 years old, that desire to leave is sewn into me… Unfortunately. Something that was so comforting causes me so much pain now, not because I live in fear of leaving but because that’s all I want to do, especially when I know that my heart isn’t “at home.”
Im probably more terrified of staying somewhere I don’t feel welcome, that my creativity feels like its suffocating from the clouds that rest low in my mind. Yeah, thats probably what Im most afraid of that makes me want to leave.
Because of that fear I’m constantly looking for an opportunity to run, and not that leaving is wrong, but my reasons are because Im disregarding the time I have where I am, even if I won’t be there long.
The other day, whilst having a “mental breakdown,” I was talking to my dad and he brought up that scripture in Philippians, the one right before 4:13, the one about being content… yuck. haha.
“I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.” Philippians 4:11-13
Now, there are probably many ways people can interpret this, but I read it and I see not that we are being told we need to stay in a bad situation to learn to be happy or because God is teaching us a lesson or something, but I see that God wants us to seek him for our joy that way no matter where we are we are content. It is not our situations that make us content, it is our God.
Every time I want to run, I check my heart because, I never want my fear to guide me, I want a relentless peace given in grace to show me where to go, whether that be staying where I am or continuing on to new adventures. Don’t become addicted to the “safety” that your fear brings you.
No matter what you're afraid of, your fears should never control you. Focus on God and everything else will seem to melt away. You are amazing.