Pocket bae, a term I’ve invented out of personal life experience and watching everyone participate in this cultural phenomenon. If you’re curious as to what a pocket bae is, well fret no longer because I’m here to explain it. A “Pocket bae” is the person you keep in your back pocket for the moments when you’re lonely and bored and without a significant other. Pocket bae is the person you use to fill the void of a romantic relationship in your life. This is not a healthy practice. At all. I do not endorse this nonsense. This is basically a relationship without all the commitment.
It may seem like nothing, heck you may not even know you’re doing it, or you may not even be aware that you are someone’s pocket bae, but it is far too common of an experience. We do this because we feel that companion spot in our hearts “lacking.” I’ll be the first to admit, I am so guilty of this, I have had a plethora of pocket baes, and gosh it hasn’t been good for my sweet, little heart. Sometimes, we excuse this as just a really good friendship, but let’s be honest someone usually falls in love and it gets weird. Platonic relationships are so vital and important, but that’s where boundaries come to into play--they’re really freaking important. BUT, that’s another blog for another day.
This past week has been extremely emotionally taxing for me; my grandpa went to be with The Lord and let me tell you, losing someone isn’t easy. When you’re in the throngs of loss, it’s easy to slip into emotional quicksand. For me, that’s always been men. When I feel myself slipping away I tend to try and find that emotional support from random dudes. [P.S. Do NOT follow my lead in that.] This past week, I’ve fought that urge, to pull out my pocket bae. When you’re broken satan tries to wiggle his way into your core by telling you lies that have been spoken over you. The key word here is “lies.” He’s telling you lies because he knows when you’re down, you’ll be more likely to listen to them. For me he plays on my loneliness, my worthlessness, my lack in beauty--all of those things.
Unfortunately, sometimes it’s easy to let him lie to you, because you don’t feel like fighting, but fight. This past week, it’s been hard to fight, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned through the years, listening to the lies screaming at me never helps, the greatest combatant is to speak truth against the hurt. It’s also so valuable to have people come alongside you and affirm those truths, walk in vulnerability like there’s no tomorrow because that catapults you into healing.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”
So, here I am, fighting against having a pocket bae because I feel alone right now, but that’s not the truth. I am not alone. I am not worthless. I am not ugly. I am not lacking. I am whole, and so are you. It’s so important that we recognize our struggles and call them out, that we don’t give into temptation just because we feel weak, because the truth is, we aren’t week. Feel your feels, acknowledge that you aren’t having a good day but don’t slip into them and wallow there, giving yourself a pass to turn your back on your healing. You are so much more valuable than a moment of satisfaction. You are worth the world. So, just go ahead and throw that pocket bae back out into the laundry and let the love of The Father fill your spaces.