On November 7th, 2016 I had surgery on my tailbone — it’s a long story, don’t ask — It is currently January 11th, 2017. I have been in recovery and almost completely on bed rest for two and a half months. Low key, going a bit stir crazy. Early on in my recovery process I started pushing my physical limits when I shouldn’t have, I should have waited. Maybe if I would have waited I wouldn’t still be predominantly confined to my house. For the past 2 years I lived in constant pain and couldn’t participate in normal, everyday activities. Sure, I would try, but it was either too painful or too dangerous. I finally got the surgery and I was so freaking pumped. Terrified, but pumped. Now, 10 weeks in, my excitement has turned into urgency to vacate the premises.
It’s crazy how something so tiny can play such a huge role in your life. I was thinking about that, how something so minuscule could be so debilitating. Its similar to breaking a toe, it throws off your balance. That tiny little piece of you dictates things you’re able to do. If you broke a toe, or smashed up your tailbone, you wouldn’t ignore it though, you would do what you could to help it heal.
If we do this with our physical realities, how come we don’t spend as much effort caring for our internal aliments? We walk around with ripped open stitches, leaky wounds, unhealed scabs all over our heart. I’m sorry that statement was slightly graphic, but it gets the job done. We ignore our pain and brokenness, but it only gets more destructive.
Healing is not an easy process, at all, in any way, shape, or form. I’m not only learning that physically but emotionally, spiritually, and mentally too.
I really like the verse Jeremiah 30:17, it says, “For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord, because they have called you an outcast: ‘It is Zion, for whom no one cares!’”
Its absolutely beautiful how this verse says He is is going to heal the wounds of the outcasts, because haven’t we all felt that way at one time or another. So, while this is beautiful, you’re probably like “oh, ok, cool. But like, how am I supposed to get healing? It’s easier said than done.” Ok, I get that. It is way easier said than done. I can sit hear and speak my healing into existence, but a lot of the time, Jesus wants to partner with us on our healing process, because not only are we healing, we’re learning.
I’ve been learning that healing happens when we admit that we’re filled up with issues — broken dreams, shredded relationships, crumpled families, abuse, pride. All of it — We can actually start to heal. Many times acknowledging that you have a problem is the first step. The next part, and probably one of the best parts is resting in the Fathers grace and love. When we can sit with Him and just spill our hearts we feel so free. Our wings begin to grow back. The next part is a bit more difficult, it’s the part where we learn to fly. We may fall and slip and it might be obscenely messy at times, but at the end of all attempts to fly we can still rest in the fact that with each attempt to be who we really are — healed and whole — it will get easier. That’s when the healing comes, because we aren’t alone, we never were.
If you are in the midst of your healing right now, don’t stop. It’s going to be so worth it. You will be able to run, jump, and fly again in no time!