DISCLAIMER: The following has the potential to make some people feel uncomfortable, make some people mad, and some people might just straight up disagree. If you do, I’m glad, feel free to shoot me an email and we will talk about it.
Have you ever been fake dating someone? This is very similar to a pocket bae situation, in fact this is basically pocket bae on steroids. Now, the reason say fake dating is because people who are dating and doing all the relationship things but when one of the parties is asked about said “relationship” they’re like “oh, we’re just friends.” But, low key, that’s not true. Anyone who has told someone that it’s fine to just bop around and feel things out is probably fibbing so the other doesn't think they’re too serious or whatever. Here’s the thing, labels in this instance are nothing but helpful. Here’s why, because labels not only speak to intentions they also speak into vital boundaries in relationships. Without intentions and boundaries you are unnecessarily putting your heart at risk -- putting your most valuable asset in harm's way.
Daniel 4: 19
“Then Daniel was greatly perplexed for a time, and his thoughts terrified him.”
When I think about this, I’m reminded of Daniel 4. In this chapter, he’s gotta tell the king about the meaning of a vision the king had, and obviously Daniel isn’t pumped because he knows that the king won’t be happy. That’s scary, to know the truth and that it won’t be pleasing to the person on the receiving end. Sometimes, though, like Daniel, we’ve got to buck up and just say it despite our fear. Be bold -- define your intentions. Defined intentions show respect and value for the hearts of others.
Sure, it's scary sometimes, to audaciously define your motives, objectives, and hopes but that is precisely why it should be done. One brave act shows your heart. Let’s be honest, nobody wants to have those conversations because the “what if’s” are absolutely terrifying they also have the potential to change things, forever, to make things drastically more uncomfortable. It’s just the truth, but just because the truth is scary doesn’t mean you should shy away.
The thing is, so many people roll around saying this stuff doesn’t actually matter because, it’s just casual, it’s just fun, but when someone gets hurt because of the confusion someone gets mad and someone goes home to cry for 3 days. Communication about this kind of thing is actually really valuable and even though it may not be fun, sometimes it’s needed. It’s kind of like putting a life straw in murky water, doesn’t sound like it would help much, but it actually saves your life. Intention definition can save friendships and relationships before they’re too far gone. It just takes brave communication.
This brings me to boundaries, the reason these are so freaking important is because blurred lines get dangerous and they just lead you to a road that could be less than fruitful. If you’re going to be friends, keep your limbs to yourself. If you’re going to date, go for it. Just know what bits and pieces you’re trying to share and then keep the other stuff locked down till you want to bond with your future spouse. Sorry not sorry if you disagree. If all else fails, stand up and yell “STOP DON’T TOUCH ME THERE, THESE ARE MY PRIVATE SQUARES.” and if that doesn’t work, run for your life--side note, my 10th grade Bio teacher taught me that chant. My sweet friends mom, Karen, says it this way: “If you wouldn't do all that rubbin and touchin with your bros, you definitely shouldn't be doing it with your girl friends.” and the same thing goes for girls, don’t rub and touch your dude friends, especially since men are really physically driven. Why open a door that probably wasn’t yours to open in the first place? In Song of Solomon, it actually blatantly says to not awaken love until it’s time.
Song Of Solomon 2:7
“Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem,
by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer:
Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up,
until the time is ripe—and you’re ready.”
Think about it like this, how you are as a single prepares you for how you’re going to be when you date and how you date sets you up for how you’re going to be in a marriage. Relationships don’t dismiss your problems, they drive your insecurities to the surface. And let’s be honest, insecurities are just wrong securities exposed.
The best part about staying out of murky water is swimming in the clear. When the water is crystal, everything is peaceful. It’s easy to know where God is calling you. The truth is, until your wedding day, you’re the only person responsible for guarding your heart and then on your wedding day it becomes a joint effort. It’s so easy to follow God’s peace when you’re actually listening to Him. Then the tough conversations get less terrifying and boundaries feel more valuable, because when you spend time with Him your life and heart begin to reflect Him. The best part of reflection is the growth of wisdom. Ask and He’ll let you know.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
Now, if you’ve made it this far, props to you. I get that a lot of people are probably reading this and feeling lots of feels. Maybe you agree, maybe you think I’m far too dramatic, maybe you think I’m taking this whole thing way too seriously. Whatever. It could be a whole host of things. I get it, my views can be intense, but that’s ok. I’m simply presenting this idea to get you thinking.
Anywho, I hope you have an amazing week and you go kick butt at life. You’re phenomenal and I’m so glad you exist.