Here it is folks, another rambling about singleness, dating, and all that jazz. Just a few days ago, I came across a blog post, via twitter, from another writer that I really admire. He’s got an awesome heart and such a shepherding spirit. His blog post was about why you shouldn’t stress about finding a spouse. Now, he’s totally right. Finding “the one” is a silly thing to stress about, but something in that article hit a nerve, not the content, but how it was presented.
As a single person, one of the last things I dream of at night is for someone in a wonderful relationship to look at me with slightly squinted eyes and a half smile-frown, pat me on the back and say “It’s ok, you won’t be alone forever. Just stop looking and they’ll show up; when you least expect it.” I’m all for the kindness and support from the lovely people who are happily committed, but it sort of feels like you forgot what it was like to be in my shoes,.
I say this because, as soon as you get into a relationship, your brain flips over and you kinda forget where you come from. I know this because I'm guilty of it. When you’re in the middle of a life where almost everyone around you is paired off and you’re over there in the corner, seventh wheeling, it feels a little bleak. Let’s not forget that part.
The purpose of this isn’t to be another sassy letter to friends and family, it’s meant to be an encouragement from someone who actually knows what you’re going through. Who’s in the corner on the other side of the room, just like you. I think it’s beneficial to hear that this situation isn’t actually as unfortunate and annoying as it seems to be.
I know that we all get tired of hearing that this season we’re in is preparing us for our next one, but it actually is. You can’t run a marathon if you don’t train for it. Relationships are the exact same way. Singleness isn’t a disease, it doesn’t make you less of a person even though it may feel that way sometimes. It’s just a time of your life, like high-school, annoying a lot of the time, but you’ll look back at it with very fond memories.
Have you ever heard someone say “become the person you’re looking for.” That’s actually a fantastic piece of advice. You want to pair off with someone who’s awesome, right? They’re smart, funny, strong in their faith, stylish, fit, nice to stare at -- all of it. So, if that’s what you’re looking for why not work on your own heart to also become those things. You attract what you are. That’s a tough piece of info to swallow; I know it is for me. I seem to not always attract the most fantastic men, but maybe that’s because I’m not being fantastic, myself. I’m not perfect?! WHAT?! It’s a tough pill to swallow, I know.
This is where I talk about focusing on our best instead of incessantly searching high and low, in the cracks and crevices, under the rocks; everywhere for where “the one." And let me just say, before you get your knickers in a twist about “the one,” that’s another topic for another day.
There is that scripture that says “He who FINDS a wife FINDS a good thing,” but it’s more one of those things where you keep your eyes peeled for Jesus to let you know what’s up rather than breaking out the magnifying glass. Anywho, back to becoming the best version of you. For me, when I’m being bombarded with singleness sadness and wondering what’s wrong with me, and comparing myself to all the people who are lucky enough to have bae stumble into their life; I like to speak over myself what God says about me. He compares me to wildflowers, and birds, and trees, and priceless. I am His bride before I am anyone else's, and so are you. That’s who we are, so when you’re in the throngs of loneliness and comparison, remember that you are exactly who you were designed to be, exponentially priceless.
There’s this really cool side effect to believing what God says about you, you start to become the person you’re dreaming of. You become who you’re designed to be. You run fast and when you’re out there running, the person who catches up with you is probably the teammate you’ve been dreaming of since you were 5.
Patience is a virtue, but so is preparation. Prepare your heart and the waiting that requires patience will seem far more like a gift than a punishment. I’ll leave you with this scripture:
“But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”