Here it is, something that might curl some toes and make you a little bit uncomfortable. I can tell you that I’m going to be saying a few words like sex, virginity, purity--All that Jazz. If you’re easily offended or just hate talking openly about anything that might raise an eyebrow, this is your chance. Turn back now, or calm the heck down and get over it. As Christians, it’s vital that we talk about this stuff. More often than not, these particular things are considered taboo, and I mean, I get it. It’s a touchy subject with all the garbage that happens to people in today’s world, but that is not an excuse to sugar coat it and just ignore that this is one of the most important things we can talk about. “Let’s talk about sex, bay-be.”
Well, we’re actually goin to chat about purity. You might think this is the exact opposite of sex or that there’s no way for the two to walk hand in hand, but here we are, I’m goin to say something about it.
Here’s a little back story--I wear a purity ring, [seen in the photo above] I have since I was 12. My dad took me out to dinner and was like “Hey, Bridge, it’s biblical that you save yourself for marriage, I’m gonna give you this ring as a signifier that you’re making a promise to God and to your future hubs that you’ll wait for him. Are you ok with that?” Tons of you may be thinking, “What the hell, you were way too young to make that choice, that’s stupid. I don’t get why you crazy Christians do that. Who can wait that long. Sex is an important step in a relationship--BLAH BLAH BLAH.” Here’s the deal, yeah sure, I get all that stuff, but to me, it’s really important. I believe in promises, even if they are to myself and God. I believe in keeping them. That promise I made when I was 12 saved me from doing some really dumb stuff.
Now that you have a little back story, here’s the deal, purity isn’t just a word and it doesn’t only pertain to sex. You can keep your virginity and lose your purity, because purity isn’t only physical, its spiritual and mental.
Now, let me tell you why I say that; going back to the promise I made. You guys, I might have kept the part of the promise to save my “virginity” for my husband [26 years strong,] but I certainly didn’t keep my purity. To some people drugs are their jam, for me it was dudes, all the dudes. I kinda joke around and say that I was all about anything except for that; I wouldn’t ever take it all the way, but I certainly wasn't keeping my purity in doing that. Thank goodness the Lord turned my heart around when I was 20, but man before then, it was almost a free for all.
The reason I say I wasn’t keeping my purity is because sure, I’ve still got my virginity, but I gave pieces of my heart away every time I let one of those guys use me physically. Don’t get me wrong, I was using them too. I’m not trying to let myself off the hook, it was my choice to be frivolous with my heart. That’s really it though, every time we give a piece of our body, we give a piece of our heart. We grow jaded to what true love is, we pack our bags more and more full with pain and the people who unknowingly caused it in the search for their personal preservation.
1 Corinthians 6:18
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
Your heart is your most valuable asset in life, so why purposefully hurt it? If we know that we are giving away pieces of ourselves, why do we do it? Why do we so willingly give up our purity? Because it’s often easier than being like “Stop! Don’t touch me there, these are my private squares!” Because, we have fleshly desires and, it would be a lie to say that it’s not fun.
Now that we’ve got the what and the why covered, let’s talk about some ways to, for lack of better terminology, keep it in your pants. You could start by wearing button fly jeans and add a belt, but in all seriousness, have some accountability. If you’re really jonsin’ for some lovin and you’re going on a Bumble date, tell your bestie to check up on you after the date and actually tell them what you did. If you have to tell someone, another human, about all that touchin and rubbin you’re probably a lot less likely to do things you’re trying not to do. There’s something about telling another person that makes you feel a little uncomfortable.
Start to remind yourself that your heart is your most valuable piece of you and why you don’t want to be so frivolous in handing it out. You want to guard it. This kinda opens up a can of worms with the whole “my body my choice” thing, but like let’s be honest, it is your choice, completely, so just choose to lock that down until you want to give it away.
Song of Solomon 8:4
“I charge you, do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.”
I’m just saying, but it’s probably not the appropriate time if you’re drunk off your butt and had to get an Uber to your booty calls house at 4am. Let’s just save the decision making for another time. Just go home and sleep it off. Once you’re done sleeping it off, pour yourself that cup of black coffee, head to Waffle House and load up on carbs, then pull out your Bible and think on the things of above. [Ok, in reality though, please don’t go get drunk at the club, I’m just using that as an example. And if you do that, I still love you, and Jesus definitely still loves you, just like try not to kill too many brain cells every weekend. Been there, done that. It’s not fun.] Any way, back from the side tangent, think on the things of above. The good stuff.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
That’s going to be hard sometimes because in your brain, it’s all “Psh, this is so fine. Go over there, make the move, it’ll feel nice.” and, it will, for maybe an hour. But, let me tell you, the more you focus on Jesus and the plans He’s got for you, your heart will align with His and it will get easier. Everyone has their own personal boundaries they need to set, heck, I went on a 3 year dating fast, but that’s not for everyone. Maybe you want to stop using dating apps for a month. Maybe you want to not hang with the opposite sex one on one. Maybe you want to move in with your mom and live in her basement, basically destroying all of your chances of ever getting a date. That’s a little extreme, but maybe that’s your jam. I’m just saying, do you, just remember that you are so extremely valuable.
I also want to make a note and say, that even if you have given up pieces of your body and your heart, you can get your purity back because God makes all things new. He forgives us for our moments of weakness. He loves us despite all that we’ve given away and all that we’ve had taken aways. He will redeem you.
“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace.”
Your future spouse is so excited to meet you, so keep your heart safe till the appropriate time for that love to flood it. Until then, let just Jesus love on ya. Let your friends love on you. Let your church community love on you. Just learn to love yourself and know that you are so much more than your past, and your future can be better than your dreams.